Doubts...

I've just finished watching the final Harry Potter (weepy) and looking through all of my friends on facebook (lonely) and I'm in a sort of _where is my life headed_ sort of place right now.

Did I make the right decision to move back home and start in an entirely different direction?

I look at old friends' profiles. One that I used to live with is living in Australia now, as a yoga instructor and writer. One that I used to work in a research lab with changed courses several years before I did and is now a nurse practitioner. Another that I went to high school and college with is now a physician's assistant and has a young son. Friends that are professors, and work at nonprofits, and manage or own companies, and have families of their own and children.

And I can't help but compare. I'm 31, still struggling to "find" myself, no partner or prospects, considering applying for a job that would pay lower wages than I've made since I was 19. What if all this that I've been going through is for nothing. What if I am not a good nurse or don't enjoy my work at the end of it all. What if.

I need to get myself out of this downward though spiral.

I've done a remarkable job of holding it all together, juggling obligations, and continuing to move forwards. During the time I have been home, even if I haven't made great strides forward in my career, at least I have managed to form a strong bond with my niece, who I love dearly and with my whole heart. Everyone goes through lost periods, even if not all at once, and at different rates of recovery. It feels like a long time coming, but I *am* moving forward. Soon I am going to hear back from the nursing program and I am most likely going to get in. Even if not right now, there are times when I *do* think that nursing will be an excellent fit. People trust me, and I am a caring and compassionate individual. And I am smart. I should be able to do this. I can do this. A year from now, everything will be completely different. I won't continue in this in-between state forever.