energy slump!

I have sort of been dragging my feet on everything for the last couple of weeks. I can blame part of it on having had bronchitis, and it's lingering effects. But part of it, I think, is just due to getting a lower grade than I expected to get on my midterm clinical eval and letting it get me down. A B+ is a fine grade, but I had it in my mind that my semester was going so well that I deserved an A. Woe is me. Not.

Asking around to my classmates, I haven't yet come across anyone who got an A on their midterm eval, not even an A-. And a general theme in the feedback is that we need to exhibit more confidence in the clinical setting.

That feedback and grade, unfortunately, I let have the opposite effect on my confidence. I skulked into clinical feeling worse about myself, and self conscious, and wondering what it was I had been doing that made me seem not confident (because up until that point, I had felt confident!).

I think a big part of doing well in nursing school clinical is letting go of the anxiety about being judged, and just diving in. I hope that by next Monday, when I go back, I won't be feeling sick anymore, and I can really bounce back and go full steam ahead.

Worn out :(

I haven't had a day off in 6 weeks now...

I am tired all of the time.
The food is getting moldy in my refrigerator because I don't have the energy to cook.
My house is a mess. Cat hair tumbleweeds blow by, my dishes from days ago sit by the sink.
There are piles of leaves in front of my house, smothering the plants below. I don't have time or energy to rake.
I have canvases that I bought to paint for a show next month that are still sitting blank in their plastic wrapper.
Sometimes I am lecturing the class I teach and I lose my train of thought.
I am supposed to be finding subs all this month to cover my volunteer shift at the hospital (so I can work at my retirement home job) but I'm running out of willing volunteers.
A couple days ago, one of the residents at the retirement home made a nasty remark to me during lunch and I was in tears for half an hour and distracted all afternoon.

I'm burnt out.

Next month, my coworker at the retirement home is going to be back from maternity leave, and my hours there are being cut from 38 down to 20. I am so relieved. I'll be able to go back to hospital volunteering and still have an entire weekend day off.