Feedback at the new job

Things have been going alright at my new job. It is unnerving feeling like I am being watched so closely. And there were some tasks that I had difficulty with, to be honest. For one, I've never used an adding machine, or balanced a cash drawer. I'm talking an old-fashioned with the paper tape type adding machine. My grandpa had one. It's fine now, but I just didn't get it at first.

Then there's the phone. I've always been a little anxious around phones. And this one has a bunch of lines and impatient people (both callers and callees) and special bells and whistles, not to mention very, very specific language that has to be used per company policy (I switched in a "can" for a "may" a few times one day and heard about it later).

But overall, I'd say I'm ding alright. It's, as my counselor says, "a peon job", and it really shouldn't be a huge source of stress for someone my age with a master's degree. The last year has really shot my confidence to hell though, and the combination of low confidence and feeling so *watched* probably made me come across in not the *best* of lights.

Anyway, at the end of last week, Thursday actually, my immediate supervisor started giving me all sorts of praise. Said that I really seemed to be picking up on things, that I had done so well today, that I seemed to be much more confident on the telephone. Really, really laid it on thick. I was feeling good. Whew, I thought, I can relax a bit. And then she says, "because we were worried for a while there".

Back down to a zero again. Thanks, boss.

She apologized the next morning when I came in. Said that it was a rude thing to say, and that she wishes she could take it back. Really seemed genuine about it. But it's already out there, and it bothered me.

I'm trying to just let it go. It's not a career move type job, it's just a way to try to support myself while I retrain. I may even be switching to a different place that is more likely to give me health benefits in a couple of months. But I want people to like me and think well of me.

My counselor told me to focus on the praise that preceded the remark, and remind myself that she said "we WERE worried", not "we ARE worried". Past tense. Let it be in the past and move on.

So that's what I'm working on.